The Battle of Desire

age of great battles

When relationships go wrong it’s usually due to the inner desires of what we want versus what other person wants.  We do not always understand or communicate these desires to each therefore we end up in a battle of words or silence.  Here are seven biblical steps to restoring fellowship: (Warren, R, 2013, pp.127-132)

  1. Talk to God before talking to the person.
    1. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.  You do not have because you do not ask God. (James 4:1-2)
  2. Always take the initiative.
    1. Jesus said, “If you enter your place of worship and about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right.  Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
  3. Sympathize with their feelings.
    1. As it is said in Philippians 2:4 “Look out for another’s interests, not just for your own.”
  4. Confess your part of the conflict.
    1. Jesus said, “First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)
  5. Attack the problem, not the person.
    1. A wise, mature person is known for his understanding.  The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.
  6. Cooperate as much as possible.
    1. Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. (Romans 12:18)
  7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.
    1. Work hard at living at peace  with others.  (1 Peter 3:11)
    2. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)


Warren, R. (2013). Daily Inspiration for The Purpose Driven Life.  Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

The Holy Bible, New International Version (2008). Parallel Study Bible.